


i'm not the bad guy

by bookishpanda



Series: Completed Sanders Sides Series [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mind Palace, dark side
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:00:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25614730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookishpanda/pseuds/bookishpanda
Summary: Virgil is still upset with Janus over everything that has happened. But... he's willing to slowly forgive him.originally posted on my tumblr vindicatedvirgil.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Series: Completed Sanders Sides Series [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1904593
Comments: 4
Kudos: 48





	1. part one

Virgil was taking up the majority of the couch. His headphones and hoodie were on, and he had his music playing so loudly that he didn’t notice Janus walk into the room. He knew that Patton was in the kitchen, humming as he baked some cookies for the rest of the sides, and he knew that Logan was at the table working on a new chart of productivity for Thomas. The twins were… somewhere fighting over the next idea to give Thomas, probably. Virgil never really could keep an accurate view on Janus, though, as if he was always slinking around, not wanting to be noticed by anyone.

Except today was different, because Janus sat down right at Virgil’s feet, startling the already anxious side. Virgil sat up abruptly, pulling his hood down and the headphones off, a hiss rising from the back of his throat. Janus just smirked, stretching his arms out in front of him, his neck twisting and cracking. Virgil cringed, pulling a pillow into his arms.

“Wow, I really  _ do _ piss you off, don’t I?” Janus raised an eyebrow at the anxious side. “We used to get along so well, you know?”

“Only because you were  _ lying _ to me the entire time about my role!” Virgil’s voice raised a little, earning a curious look from Logan. “You made me think I was  _ bad _ .”

“To protect you.” Janus retaliated. “All that I ever did was–”

“You made me hate myself and think that I needed to be mean to Thomas.” Virgil finished for him. “Unlike with Remus, who knew  _ exactly _ what his role was, you manipulated me to think that I had to be evil to do my job.”

“Virgil, I just didn’t want you to get hurt. I figured it was easier to show you the reality, the way everyone treats anxiety.” Janus’ voice got softer, and he looked down at his gloved hands.

“Except it only made me get  _ more _ hurt. And it was Logan, Patton, and even Roman who helped me see that I’m not  _ always _ the bad guy.” Virgil buried his face in his hands. “You taught me that I would always be the antagonist in any story, but you were wrong, Jan.” Janus glanced up at hearing the old nickname.

“Virge…” He sighed, but it almost sounded like a hiss. “I never  _ wanted _ to hurt you, or do anything to make you get hurt. I just… wanted to protect you.”

“I don’t need to be protected, and especially not by some… faux leader.” Virgil stood up abruptly, then stormed off to his basement bedroom. Logan cleared his throat, making Janus look in that direction.

“Let me guess, you have a logical solution to this issue,” Janus mumbled. Logan raised an eyebrow, glancing over to meet Janus’ eyes.

“I have a  _ potential _ solution for you, Janus.” Logan specified. “I believe you need to prove to Virgil that you don’t think he’s still the bad guy. That  _ you’ve _ changed. He can’t be the only one who has gone through some personal development since you two were friends.”

“Maybe you should take your own advice.” Janus muttered, glancing past Logan at Patton, who was singing and dancing around in the kitchen. The snakey boi got up from the couch and headed down to Virgil’s room. He knocked on the door before opening it, and saw Virgil sitting on the floor, back against the bed, headphones on and eyes closed.

“Virge–” He started, but sighed when he saw how peaceful the anxious side looked. He walked slowly over to the other and sat down beside him, then took one of Virgil’s hands in his own. Much to his surprise, Virgil didn’t say or do anything to stop him. “I don’t know if you’re listening to me, but if you are… I’m sorry. You’re not the bad guy, Virgil, you never were. I just… didn’t want to lose you to the others, because they are so much better than I am, or ever could be. Even though I’ve accepted that I’m more than just… deceit… that I’m selfishness, and self-care, and more… I’m not good enough for you.”

“Well, now you’re just deceiving yourself,” Virgil huffed. “I didn’t think that was possible.”

“But it’s true, Virge. I’m selfish when it comes to myself, too. I didn’t want to lose you, so I made you think that Remus and I were the only ones who could stand to be around you. I was wrong to do that to you.” Janus sighed, leaning his head against the bed.

“Yeah, you were. But you’re in the right  _ now _ , because you’re acknowledging your past mistakes,” Virgil began. “And I know how hard that can be for you.”

“Do you… forgive me?” Janus hesitated, playing with Virgil’s fingers.

“I…” Virgil paused, glancing over at the side of Janus that he used to hate looking at. The scales had grown over the years, becoming more prominent. He reached out to graze the scales, like he used to do with Janus’ human side. Janus met his eyes, realizing the movement. “I don’t know if I can forgive you immediately, Jan, but… I can tolerate you now.”


	2. part two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus loses his hat, and Virgil helps him find it.

Virgil was laying with his head dangling off the foot of the bed, headphones on and blasting music so loud that he could no longer register what the artist was saying. His eyes were closed and he felt like he was drowning in his emotions. He had no idea how long it had been since he started laying there and he didn’t know if the others noticed his absence (sometimes it took them a while to realize that he had gone into his bedroom).

Hands touching the sides of his face startled him. His eyes shot open to see Janus standing over him, hair a mess and his coat unbuttoned. Virgil slipped his headphones off of his head and glared at Deceit, waiting for an explanation. The snake was out of breath.

“Have you…” a huff, “seen… my hat?” Virgil groaned and sat up on the bed, turning his body to face Janus. “I… need it.”

“No, I haven’t seen your hat, Janus,” He responded, crossing his arms. “Did you check with the twins?” Janus grumbled and sat beside Virgil on the bed.

“They both said they hadn’t seen it.” He said plainly, running a hand through his patchy hair. Virgil tilted his head, watching him carefully. “Logan and Patton are also unsure. But... everyone is keeping an eye out.”

“Did you just… misplace it?” Virgil asked hesitantly. He had never seen Janus so panicked, and he couldn’t even count on one hand the times that he had seen his hair this way. It was patchy on the left side, but on the right, his snake side, there was no hair at all. Virgil knew that it made Janus feel self-conscious. “I’ll help you look for it. We can check every room, yeah?”

“Can I borrow your hoodie until we find it?” Janus asked. His voice was so small, like he was nervous to even ask, but Virgil just unzipped his hoodie and removed it, then held it out for the other side. Janus smiled weakly and removed his coat then slid on the hoodie, placing the hood over his hair. “...thanks.” 

The two left Virgil’s room and headed to the kitchen. Virgil tried to be attentive, to see if he could find the hat. Janus suddenly grabbed Virgil’s arm, head down. “Hey… don’t worry, Jan. We’ll find it.” When they entered the kitchen, Patton and Roman were in there, decorating some cookies. “Are you sure that neither of you have seen the hat anywhere?” Virgil asked. Patton shrugged and Roman shook his head.

“Can’t you just… conjure a new one?” The prince asked. Janus shook his head sadly.

“That hat… it can’t be replaced. If I conjured a new one… it wouldn’t be the same,” He said softly. Virgil was reminded of a time long before he left the dark sides. 

\---(flashback)---

“It just keeps falling out,” Janus was laying on the floor, hand on his head. The three sides were all lying on the dark floor. “What am I supposed to do?”

“It’s just hair, Jan,” Virgil said, scooting over to lay closer to Deceit. Remus giggled from a bit farther away.

“It makes you look like one of those stuffed animals that you see laying on the side of the road,” He cackled. Janus frowned deeper. “You know,  _ unwanted. _ ”

“Shut up, Ree.” Virgil hissed. The creative one rolled his eyes. Anxiety sighed, and held out his hand, conjuring a black bowler hat. “Here.” He practically forced it at Deceit. Janus sat up abruptly, taking the hat carefully. He set it on the top of his head, then looked at Virgil, who nodded and gave an awkward thumbs up. “Looks good.”

\---(end flashback)---

“Helloooo~? Virgil?” Patton was waving a hand in front of Virgil’s face, smiling brightly. “You kinda tuned out there, kiddo.” Virgil just smiled weakly and shook his head.

“Sorry. I was… remembering something.” He muttered. “Let us know if you see the hat, okay?” He led Janus out of the kitchen and the two continued to make their way through the mindspace. They passed the door to the darkness, and Virgil shuttered. “You haven’t… been back there, right?” Janus shook his head.

“Not since I told Thomas my name. Kind of like what you did to get out,” He said, pressing his hand against the door. “Ree did go back in last week, though. Said it’s… dusty, but still just as empty as ever.” The two continued to search and ended up in the greenhouse that Patton and Logan had been tending to. Janus separated from Virgil’s arm and was looking around, and then Virgil saw it.

It was on one of the workbenches, next to a pot of dirt. He picked it up and brushed off some specks of dirt that had landed on it. “Jan, come here.” He turned around and smiled his small smile, and Janus rushed over. “It was here on the workbench.” He reached out and removed the hood from Deceit’s head and then put the hat on top. “There. Looks good.”

Janus leaned up on the tips of his toes and pressed a gentle kiss to Virgil’s cheek, catching the anxious side off guard. He pulled back, watching the other very carefully. “Thanks, Virge.” He said, the human side of his face turning red. Virgil cleared his throat awkwardly.

“Um. Yeah. Sure.” He felt like he was choking over his words. “Anytime.”


	3. final part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus goes missing, so Remus and Virgil travel back to the dark side of Thomas' mind to find him.
> 
> tw: anxiety attacks, unrevealed orange side.

Logan and Patton were tending to the plants in the greenhouse when Virgil entered. It had been a few days since the search for the hat, and he had been feeling jittery ever since. Patton bounded up to him and gave him a small hug.

“Hey, kiddo~ What are you doing in here?” He asked cheerfully. Virgil glanced over at the workbench where they found the hat.

“I uh… was wondering if you knew why Janus’ hat was in here.” He said, looking down at his feet. Logan went and stood next to Patton and the two sides shared a nervous look. 

“He was planting something, but we aren’t sure what it was. He kept conjuring things and cursing under his breath. Once he finished he took the potted plant with him, and he refused to keep it here in the greenhouse,” Logan explained. “That’s probably when he forgot the hat.”

“Okay. That… helps… a little. Thanks.” Virgil muttered, starting to turn on his heel. A hand reached out and held onto his shoulder.

“Be careful, kiddo…” Patton warned. “I know we all have accepted Janus as one of us now, but…”

“But he  _ is _ Deceit,” Logan said plainly, arms crossed. “What is it that Roman said… he wouldn’t trust Janus as far as he could throw him?”

“Wait, have you three been talking about Janus without me?” Virgil turned back around, a scowl on his face. “ _ I’m _ the one who has the most reason to be concerned, and I’m still working on tolerating him.”

“I mean, to be fair, kiddo… Logan and I have both been impersonated by him.” Patton reminded him, then waved his hands in defense, “I know that’s not the same thing as what he’s done to you, but… well… we’re worried that maybe… any  _ past _ feelings you have for him… could impact your judgement here.” Virgil’s scowl only deepened at the accusation.

“Patton, I get it… trust me, no one is more… hesitant... to be around him than I am. But… you all gave  _ me _ a chance. I think... we owe Janus the same chance…” He said, fingers twisting together. “I’m not letting those past…  _ feelings _ … affect anything. But… just… trust me on this, please.”

“Okay, kiddo,” Patton smiled, then looked at Logan, who still had his arms crossed. Patton nudged the logical side with his elbow and cleared his throat.

“Oh, me too? Okay,” Logan sighed. “Virgil, we will… follow your lead on this one.”

\---

All of the sides had gathered in the living room for another movie night. Remus was exiled to the back of the couch, since he refused to put any clothes on. Janus sat on the floor near the edge of the couch, while Roman took up two whole seats in his Beast onesie. Logan was sitting in a chair by the blinds, and Patton and Virgil had taken up the last two couch seats, right next to each other. So close that their shoulders were touching, and Janus noticed this.

“Alright, the votes are in,” Roman announced, shaking around the bowl he had used for voting this time around.

“If they’re all for Frozen, I swear–” Virgil started.

“Don’t swear, kiddo,” Patton giggled, his arm wrapping around Virgil. Janus watched this interaction very carefully.

“As you might recall, the voting options for tonight were musical films…” Roman said, digging through the bowl and counting out the votes. “One for Cabaret, one for The Greatest Showman, one for Cats,” He paused there while Remus cackled, “One for Les Miserables, one for Mamma Mia, and one for SMASH.” He sighed. “Guys, how can we make a decision when everyone voted for something different?”

“I mean, we  _ could _ go by most recently released,” Remus suggested, his eyebrows wiggling. “Heh, release.”

“Shut up,” Roman groaned.

“Why don’t you put them all back in and just draw one at random?” Logan suggested. Roman nodded and did so, then shook the bowl to make them more random. He held the bowl out to Virgil.

“You pick,” He said, and Virgil looked surprised. “Just don’t cheat and pick your favorite.” Virgil closed his eyes and reached into the bowl and picked up one piece of paper. He brought it to his face and opened it.

“...” 

“What does it say?” Patton asked, trying to sneak a glance. Virgil groaned and held up the piece of paper, which, in a messy scrawl, read  _ Cats: The Musical _ . Groans rang out throughout the living room, except from Remus. “I… I guess we have to watch it, huh?”

“That film is illogical and poorly made.” Logan pointed out before he took a sip of his coffee. 

“Well, it’s fine, we can just make fun of it the whole time, right?” Patton suggested, a smile on his face. Virgil nodded and Roman sighed, but then the film started playing on the TV. Virgil pulled his legs up onto the couch and leaned more into Patton, his head on the moral side’s shoulder. Janus’ eyes narrowed at seeing this, and he locked his gaze on the wall in front of him.

Logan made logical assumptions about the film throughout the whole time it was on, as expected, while Roman and Patton made small jokes about it. Virgil had dozed off on Patton’s shoulder, and Roman tossed a blanket over the anxious side.

Janus’ mind had gone red. He was shaking lightly; he had brought his legs up to his chest, and was hugging his whole body together. His snake onesie didn’t seem warm enough for his cold-blooded side, and his vision was blurred as he ignored everything going on around him. The others showed so much care and affection for Virgil, and the anxious side didn’t seem to mind it when they touched or snuggled him. But whenever Janus touched him, Virgil would flinch or back away. 

He knew that Virgil might never be able to fully forgive him for everything he had done when they were all trapped in the darkness, but… a snake could hope, right?

Maybe he deserved to go back into the darkness, after all.

\---

Roman was trying to summon Janus into the living room, but he was not appearing. “That’s odd, he was there this morning.” A look of concern momentarily crossed Patton and Virgil’s faces, but Logan dismissed it.

“If he does not want to be present for this current dilemma, then it’s fine, right Thomas?” He posed. Thomas shrugged. “He might be distracted by Remus. It’s fine.”

\---

“Jan…? You in there?” Virgil was knocking on the door to Janus’ bedroom. Ever since they had all returned from Thomas’ living room, he had been searching the mind space. He turned the knob to the bedroom and swung the door open, but it was empty, save for the three snakes who resided in the tanks on the side of the room. Virgil smiled weakly, sticking his hand into one of the tanks, grazing his fingers over the smooth head of the snake. He glanced around the room and saw a potted plant sitting on the desk, and wandered over to inspect it. It had a purple glow around it and didn’t look like any plant he had seen before, but when he approached it, he felt instantly calmer. A closed notecard was next to it, and Virgil picked it up, flipping it open.

_ For Anxiety _

He smiled again, setting the card down. Is this what Janus had been working on, so focused and so intense that he forgot his hat? Virgil sighed, stuffing his hands into his jacket pockets.

“Where did he go…?”

\---

“This is serious, Ree. No one has seen him in  _ three _ days.” Virgil insisted. The two were standing in the kitchen, and the other three were in the living room, close enough to be a part of the conversation. “You’re  _ sure _ you have no idea where he went??”

“Why would  _ I _ know?” Remus cackled. “Although… the door to the darkness was open a few days ago, but I closed it immediately.” Virgil froze, a horrified look on his face. Patton called in from the living room.

“You don’t think he…”

“He seemed kind of… upset during movie night,” Roman recalled. “But why would he want to go back there?”

“...because it’s safety,” Virgil muttered. “For all of us. The darkness, it’s like a blanket that we can wrap around ourselves to protect us.” His face hardened. “I’m going after him.”

“But, kiddo, you haven’t been back there since…” Patton’s voice trailed off. “We’ll come with you.”

“You can’t. You’re all light sides. If you go in there… you could get corrupted.” Virgil explained. Logan nodded. Anxiety glanced at Remus. “You’re coming with me, though.”

“I- What?” Remus did a double take. “I’m not going on a scavenger hunt for that snake.”

“Too bad. We’re going.” Virgil’s voice was firm, confident, and it surprised everyone else. He grabbed Remus’ wrist and stormed towards the hallway.

“Good luck,” Patton and Roman called after them, but the three light sides all shared a nervous look.

\---

They stood in front of the door to the darkness, Virgil’s hand hesitating over the handle. He took a deep breath, turned the handle, and swung the door open, and the two stepped in. The door slammed behind them and then they were swallowed by the darkness. Instantly, Virgil’s skin was covered with goosebumps, and he pulled his hood over his head. Remus groaned, his head down.

“It feels like I’m getting swallowed by an asshole,” He muttered. Virgil tried to ignore the comment and began walking forward, Remus not far behind. “What if Jan doesn’t want to go back?”

Virgil was about to respond when an orange glow surrounded them. He felt like he was going to suffocate, he knew what this meant and he wasn’t ready to deal with this again, he couldn’t handle it. Remus collapsed first, a whine escaping his lungs, and then Virgil’s head hit the floor.

\---(flashback)---

The three were huddled together on the floor like they were every night, Janus’ arms spread out for Remus and Virgil to curl into. Janus was singing, his voice filling the void that surrounded them all, and Virgil’s eyes drooped as the song wore on.

_ Come little children _

_ I'll take thee away _

_ Into a land of enchantment _

_ Come little children _

_ The time's come to play _

_ Here in my garden of shadows _

_ Follow sweet children _

_ I'll show thee the way _

_ Through all the pain and the sorrows _

_ Weep not poor children _

_ For life is this way _

_ Murdering beauty and passions _

_ Hush now dear children, it must be this way _

_ Too weary of life and deceptions _

_ Rest now my children _

_ For soon we'll away _

_ Into the calm and the quiet _

_ Come little children _

_ I'll take thee away _

_ Into a land of enchantment _

_ Come little children _

_ The time's come to play _

_ Here in my garden of shadows _

\---(end flashback)---

Virgil’s eyes fluttered open. Instead of darkness, all he saw was bright, orange light, and Remus was nowhere to be seen. He pulled his jacket tighter around him, tears pricking at his eyes. Suddenly, a loud, booming voice filled the space.

“It was a mistake for you to come back here,  _ Anxiety _ .” The voice said. Virgil wanted to scream, to press his palms against his ears, to block it all out, but he knew from experience that it wouldn’t make a difference. “You’ll come to regret it as much as  _ Deceit _ did.” The mention of Janus made Virgil’s head snap up, a growl forming in the back of his throat.

“What did you do with him!?” He hollered into the void. “ _ Why _ are you doing this!?”

“You never came back to visit me,  _ Anxiety _ . I’ve been oh so lonely, only  _ Creativity _ has been coming back to say hello.” The voice sounded accusatory.

“Why the fuck would I come back here? After everything that happened? After what  _ you _ did??” Virgil’s voice got louder with every syllable.

“You left  _ them _ to fend for themselves against me.”

“That’s not… that…” Virgil’s voice was getting smaller again. “Janus… he always protected  _ us _ …”

“But who was there to protect him,  _ Virgil? _ ”

\---(flashback)---

“Shh, it’s okay,” Janus cooed softly. He was holding Remus and Virgil tightly in his arms, the orange light around them blinding and suffocating. “I won’t let him hurt you.” Pain coursed through Janus’ body as he took in everything the orange light was forcing upon them. He couldn’t let Virgil or Remus get hurt, he would protect them, he  _ had _ to protect them.

\---(end flashback)---

“Have you ever wondered  _ why _ his skin is so damaged,  _ why _ his hair fell out,  _ why _ he’s so hardened against the world?” The orange light had shown him a memory that wasn’t even  _ his _ , and Virgil wanted to curl up and sob. “He took it all, to protect  _ you _ . He was hard on you  _ because _ he  _ had _ to be. Because  _ he _ was broken.”

“He’s not broken. He’s not…” Virgil’s voice was a whisper now. The tears wouldn’t stop, his hands were shaking, and all he wanted to do was throw himself off of a cliff.

“Oh, but he  _ is _ , because  _ you _ left. And then  _ Remus _ left, and so he had only  _ me _ .” The voice laughed heartily. “And then I was alone, only  _ Remus _ was cynical enough to come back. But then… I could feel  _ Janus’ _ heart breaking through the door, so I called him back to me. And you  _ fools _ followed, as I knew you would. But it doesn’t matter,  _ Anxiety _ , because he is broken, and you soon will be, too.” Virgil’s head fell back again, the light showing him another one of Janus’ memories.

\---(flashback)---

“Staring at the door won’t bring him back,” Remus said quietly. Janus was sitting on the floor in front of the entrance to the mindspace, his coat and cape in a pile next to him, the hat askew on his head. “He’s gone, Jan.”

“I can’t believe it,” His voice was almost a hiss. He didn’t know when he had stopped crying, but he was probably out of tears by this point. “I don’t… I don’t understand.” Remus sighed, then finally laid down on the floor next to Deceit.

“He was shown love. My brother, and the others… they don’t think he’s… a bad thing, not anymore.” Remus’ voice was calm, and if Janus had any energy in him left, he’d be surprised. “And… he’s not coming back.”

“How do you know that?” Janus’ voice was so small, so weak, that Remus didn’t recognize it. “How do you know he won’t come back… won’t come back to… us… to  _ me _ …?” He fell into his sorrow, the tears finally streaming down his face, hisses coming out instead of sobs. As he sobbed, the darkness plunged into orange light, and Remus shivered closer to Janus. 

“He won’t come back because  _ you _ lied to him. You told him no one but you could love him, and you were  _ wrong _ . Now he knows. And now he  _ hates _ you.”

Janus couldn’t breathe, all of the air had been forced out of his lungs, and he clung to each breath as he fell into the form of a snake.

\---(end flashback)---

Virgil’s eyes snapped open. He was back in the bleak darkness, and Remus was unconscious to his left. He was still on high alert as he stood up, cupping his hands around his mouth. “JANUS!!!” He called out into the void. “JAN!!!” Remus whined in his sleep beside him. Virgil tried calling out again, but his body felt weak as he collapsed to his knees, the tears falling freely again. “I don’t hate you, Janus… I couldn’t… I…  _ I forgive you _ …”

A hand settled on Virgil’s shoulder. It was covered in a yellow glove. He snapped his head around, teary eyes meeting teary eyes. Virgil stood up as quickly as he could and wrapped his arms tightly around Janus, sobbing. Janus hugged Virgil, drawing soothing circles on his back. “Hey, I’m right here… don’t worry.”

“I’m so…” a hiccup, “so sorry, Jan…” His voice was so weak but he knew he needed to say the words that had been sitting so heavily upon his heart. “ _ You _ protected me all those years, and I never… I never knew what you were going through… I’m so sorry…”

“...it was worth it,” Janus whispered. “I couldn’t let  _ him _ hurt you.” This only made Virgil sob harder, his fingers gripping the back of Janus’ cape tightly. “Shhh, it’s okay, I’ve got you, Virge.”

“I love you, Janus…” Virgil cried, still clinging to the other as tightly as he could. “Please… I’m sorry…” He slid slowly down to the floor, the exhaustion of not sleeping over the past few days finally catching up to him. “I…  _ love  _ you…”

\---

Virgil’s eyes fluttered open. He was in his bed. He sat up abruptly but immediately regretted it, as a searing pain shot through his head. He pressed one of his hands to his temple, rubbing lightly, a small groan escaping his throat as he glanced around the empty room. His heart ached; how long had it been since the darkness? How had Janus gotten them out of there? Was Remus okay? 

Did… did he really confess his love…?

His breath quickened, heart pounding in his chest. He needed to find Janus, and soon, and oh, he needed to tell him  _ so _ much, and apologize more, and–

And then the door to his bedroom opened, and Janus peeked his head in. Janus’ face was completely covered in scales now, but he still looked like… himself. Virgil tried to get out of bed but his body failed him, and he wanted to thrash and scream. Why was he so fucking  _ weak _ ?

“Hey, stay in bed,” Janus ordered, stepping into the room. He closed the door behind him, then picked up a glass of water from the desk. Janus approached Virgil then handed him the glass of water. “How… are you feeling?”

“Weak.” Virgil muttered, taking the glass of water. He took a big sip of it then set it down on the nightstand. “...what happened?”

“You’ve been asleep for a few days.  _ He _ … really tried to hurt you. After you passed out, Ree woke up, and we carried you to the door. When we got out… we sealed it. For good,” Janus explained, sitting down on the edge of the bed. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gone in there and put you through all of that…”

“...why  _ did _ you go back in?” Virgil’s question was a whisper. “ _ He _ mentioned that your heart was breaking, but… I don’t… understand…” Janus looked down at his gloved hands. 

“...I was… jealous. Of the way the others give you lots of care and love, and how… it seemed like you never wanted that… from me.” He buried his face in his hands. “And now… I’ve become this. Worse. I’m… hideous.” Virgil grabbed Janus’ hands and held them tightly. Their eyes met, and Virgil took a deep breath.

“You’re wrong, Jan,” He said, his voice soft and gentle. One of his hands lifted up to Janus’ cheek, the one that had more recently grown scales. “You’re beautiful. And… I do want care and love from you, I was just… scared.” Janus opened his mouth, then closed it in hesitation. Finally, he spoke.

“Did you… mean… what you said? Before you passed out,” Janus clarified, and he held his own hand over Virgil’s. “If not, that’s okay, and it’s fine,” He started rambling, and Virgil just grabbed his face and kissed him, their noses brushing together, hands settling on shoulders awkwardly. He leaned back, his breath catching up, and saw the wide-eyed snake trying to comprehend what was happening.

“I meant it.” Was all that Virgil said before their lips met again. They kissed for what felt like an eternity, Janus’ gloved hand tangling in Virgil’s longer hair, the hat falling off to the side. They broke apart again, both of them trying to catch their breath. Virgil gasped audibly when he saw Janus’ face– only half of it was a snake again. He held his hand against the snake side, smiling lightly. “I love you.” 

Janus’ face brightened up, and he pressed his forehead against Virgil’s. “I’ve always loved you, Virgil. And I always will.”


End file.
